The other month I witnessed a scene many of us are all too familiar with. I watched some "robust dialog" on Facebook go rather sideways (surprise, surprise). One of the people involved suggested that his Christian counterpart needed to acquire "thicker skin" and not be so easily offended.
A thought came to mind:
The Christian is given a new heart, not thicker skin.
The more I thought about it, the more it made sense...and the more I realized how much growing I still have to do in this area of my life.
After being offended by someone or something, how often have we been met with the statement, "Well, you just have to develop thicker skin."
As a pastor and someone who runs a non-profit that brings diverse teams into Ethiopia to serve, I tend to filter these kind of thoughts through the context of ministry. In light of our culture being so easily offended and, at times, hypersensitive, I write this particular blog as more of a general observation and application, not directed strictly toward our teams serving in Ethiopia. Perhaps someone aside from myself will benefit from what is shared here.
In light of what we see in the scriptures, the Christian, when dealing with offenses, is not called to have "thicker skin".
We are GIVEN a new heart by Jesus, which, as we mature, ought not be so easily offended - and as a result, we do not need to have "thicker skin".
To clarify - I am not talking about "sucking it up" in the midst of abusive situations. What is being addressed here is everyday life, interactions with family, friends, coworker, and such. I am talking about how we respond to everything from different political views, lifestyles, cultural characteristics, world views, and yes, even something as trivial as social media postings.
"Thicker skin" will lead to a calloused heart. In reality, thick skin is a facade. It's a straw man. It is simply us trying to act as though an offense did not happen. We "suck it", pull ourselves together and move on.
Or so we appear to do so. Perhaps we've convinced ourselves of such.
All the while, the state of our heart that caused us to be easily offended is never dealt with. Thus, it continues to rear it's ugly head time after time.
In stark contrast to the veneer of "thicker skin", at the very core of orthodox Christianity is the belief that one has a new heart. A new nature. This new heart does not need the covering of so called thick skin because it is the very heart of Christ taking up residence in the believer via the Holy Spirit. It does not easily take offense to those trivialities that once so easily got us bend out of shape. So the objective is not "thick skin" (which is a bandaid to cover our easily offended self) but to have a renewed heart, which by virtue of it's divine nature, is not (easily) offended.
The Christian is by no means immune to taking offense. That said, if we truly have the heart of the One who's name we bear, our being so easily offended is overshadowed by the love and grace we have received by Christ - when we least deserved it. Therefore we extend the same love and grace to others - more and more, not even intentionally, but it flows from the essence of who we are...and Who's we are. Offenses becomes more and more foreign to us as we mature. As a matter of fact, we may even have times when someone comes to us and says, "Hey...I am sorry if I offended you."...and our response is, "Huh?...what are you referring to?" What freedom there is in such a moment!
This begins a lifelong process of dying to self and growing into the new creations we are.
To not take offense is difficult because the human condition is complex, self-centered and offenses are often driven by our own insecurities, hurts and expectations of others. This is why, from a Christian worldview, the New Heart (or new creation) is the only way to get to the root of our own messiness.
Experiencing the transformative love of Christ is akin to getting our DNA replaced. Think of it as a spiritual bone marrow transplant. This begins a lifelong process of dying to self and growing into the new creations we are.
1 Corinthians 13:7 says, "Love bears all things". This is the forbearing love of Christ living itself out in the believer. It results in a manifestation of patience, tolerance, and restraint from reacting when one is annoyed or offended.
1 Corinthians 13 also states, "Love believes all things". In this there is the idea that love gives the benefit of the doubt. This is not our personal capacity to love, but Christ in us. As we take on the character of Christ...as we mature, we become slower to assume malicious intentions from someone. In short, they are innocent until proven guilty. Even then, the reality is that we have no desire to see someone proven guilty - because we recognize it would not go at all well if we got what we deserved.
Proverbs 19:11 addresses offenses straight on: "Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense." To overlook an offense is to overlook a wrong done against oneself, to refuse to retaliate, seek revenge, pout, grumble, etc. It is quick to forgive. It is founded in sensible thinking (good sense). It is admirable and mature to overlook an offense. The new heart - the heart of Christ - not "thicker skin", is the key to freedom from the tyranny of offense.
Proverbs 17:9 says it well: "Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends". In other words love allows an offense to fall away, while dwelling on the offense destroys relationships. Very much like choosing not to forgive, holding onto an offense puts the one "holding it" in a self-imposed prison.
For the Christian, overlooking an offense should go deeper than simply "overlooking it". What once offended doesn't even penetrate the new heart because the new heart empowers the believer to respond like Christ. A potential offense to the new heart is what water is to the waxy wings of a bird. It is non-issue. The offense glides off and one can enjoy the freedom of new life in Christ.
When we move beyond trying to develop "thick skin, and even beyond "overlooking" an offense...when we begin to live out of the New Heart granted to us in Christ, offenses will fall away before they have a chance to get under our skin.
A new heart brings new life.
A thought came to mind:
The Christian is given a new heart, not thicker skin.
The more I thought about it, the more it made sense...and the more I realized how much growing I still have to do in this area of my life.
After being offended by someone or something, how often have we been met with the statement, "Well, you just have to develop thicker skin."
As a pastor and someone who runs a non-profit that brings diverse teams into Ethiopia to serve, I tend to filter these kind of thoughts through the context of ministry. In light of our culture being so easily offended and, at times, hypersensitive, I write this particular blog as more of a general observation and application, not directed strictly toward our teams serving in Ethiopia. Perhaps someone aside from myself will benefit from what is shared here.
In light of what we see in the scriptures, the Christian, when dealing with offenses, is not called to have "thicker skin".
We are GIVEN a new heart by Jesus, which, as we mature, ought not be so easily offended - and as a result, we do not need to have "thicker skin".
To clarify - I am not talking about "sucking it up" in the midst of abusive situations. What is being addressed here is everyday life, interactions with family, friends, coworker, and such. I am talking about how we respond to everything from different political views, lifestyles, cultural characteristics, world views, and yes, even something as trivial as social media postings.
"Thicker skin" will lead to a calloused heart. In reality, thick skin is a facade. It's a straw man. It is simply us trying to act as though an offense did not happen. We "suck it", pull ourselves together and move on.
Or so we appear to do so. Perhaps we've convinced ourselves of such.
All the while, the state of our heart that caused us to be easily offended is never dealt with. Thus, it continues to rear it's ugly head time after time.
In stark contrast to the veneer of "thicker skin", at the very core of orthodox Christianity is the belief that one has a new heart. A new nature. This new heart does not need the covering of so called thick skin because it is the very heart of Christ taking up residence in the believer via the Holy Spirit. It does not easily take offense to those trivialities that once so easily got us bend out of shape. So the objective is not "thick skin" (which is a bandaid to cover our easily offended self) but to have a renewed heart, which by virtue of it's divine nature, is not (easily) offended.
The Christian is by no means immune to taking offense. That said, if we truly have the heart of the One who's name we bear, our being so easily offended is overshadowed by the love and grace we have received by Christ - when we least deserved it. Therefore we extend the same love and grace to others - more and more, not even intentionally, but it flows from the essence of who we are...and Who's we are. Offenses becomes more and more foreign to us as we mature. As a matter of fact, we may even have times when someone comes to us and says, "Hey...I am sorry if I offended you."...and our response is, "Huh?...what are you referring to?" What freedom there is in such a moment!
This begins a lifelong process of dying to self and growing into the new creations we are.
To not take offense is difficult because the human condition is complex, self-centered and offenses are often driven by our own insecurities, hurts and expectations of others. This is why, from a Christian worldview, the New Heart (or new creation) is the only way to get to the root of our own messiness.
Experiencing the transformative love of Christ is akin to getting our DNA replaced. Think of it as a spiritual bone marrow transplant. This begins a lifelong process of dying to self and growing into the new creations we are.
1 Corinthians 13:7 says, "Love bears all things". This is the forbearing love of Christ living itself out in the believer. It results in a manifestation of patience, tolerance, and restraint from reacting when one is annoyed or offended.
1 Corinthians 13 also states, "Love believes all things". In this there is the idea that love gives the benefit of the doubt. This is not our personal capacity to love, but Christ in us. As we take on the character of Christ...as we mature, we become slower to assume malicious intentions from someone. In short, they are innocent until proven guilty. Even then, the reality is that we have no desire to see someone proven guilty - because we recognize it would not go at all well if we got what we deserved.
Proverbs 19:11 addresses offenses straight on: "Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense." To overlook an offense is to overlook a wrong done against oneself, to refuse to retaliate, seek revenge, pout, grumble, etc. It is quick to forgive. It is founded in sensible thinking (good sense). It is admirable and mature to overlook an offense. The new heart - the heart of Christ - not "thicker skin", is the key to freedom from the tyranny of offense.
Proverbs 17:9 says it well: "Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends". In other words love allows an offense to fall away, while dwelling on the offense destroys relationships. Very much like choosing not to forgive, holding onto an offense puts the one "holding it" in a self-imposed prison.
For the Christian, overlooking an offense should go deeper than simply "overlooking it". What once offended doesn't even penetrate the new heart because the new heart empowers the believer to respond like Christ. A potential offense to the new heart is what water is to the waxy wings of a bird. It is non-issue. The offense glides off and one can enjoy the freedom of new life in Christ.
When we move beyond trying to develop "thick skin, and even beyond "overlooking" an offense...when we begin to live out of the New Heart granted to us in Christ, offenses will fall away before they have a chance to get under our skin.
A new heart brings new life.
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